I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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