And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
