We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
