Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
