I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
