Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
