I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
