Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
