i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
