If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
