you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
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No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You ruined the universe
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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