I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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