Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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