Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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