Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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