Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
