I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
