She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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