Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
