College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I came so hard my ears popped.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
