I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
