I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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