what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
