I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
this will be a night to untag.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
