I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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