Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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