this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
