he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
