where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
