He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
