I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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