I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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