Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
