at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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