paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
