how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
