this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
