i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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