My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
