Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
