I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
3pm strippers are depressing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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