I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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