I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
