Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
