im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize