i just wanna soil my oats bro
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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