Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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