Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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