you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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