vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can't put those talents on a resume
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
