So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
