You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
