Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
