Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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