you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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