I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
