so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
