So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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