i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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