Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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