is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
