I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
how drunk are you?
Several
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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