Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
