I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
