even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
